Some trees
A pterodactyl flies overhead as Paul wanders along and checks the time travel device in his hand. A T- Rex approaches from behind and Paul makes a run for it, punching a date into the device. He disappears.
Number 28
Karl is playing his guitar while Susan tries to seduce him.
KARL: Darling, I'm so close to cracking this melody. This could be a big hit, you know. [Susan laughs] What?
SUSAN: Well, you do know you've been saying that since 1976!
KARL: Well maybe if I wasn't interrupted so often!
SUSAN: Well excuse me for wanting to have a night in with you and the blue box!
KARL: The blue box?
SUSAN: Mmm- hmm. So do you think your music career can wait a couple of hours?
KARL: Just give me five minutes.
Susan is exasperated and returns to the bedroom. Paul has returned to 31st October 2017… in Susan's wardrobe! Susan opens the door and screams. She kicks the flustered Paul out into the living room.
PAUL: Are you a professional musician?
KARL: I'm sorry, what?
PAUL: Well tell me, are you or not?
KARL: It depends. Does Oodles and Noodles count?
SUSAN: No!
PAUL: So you're just a doctor, yeah?
KARL: Just?!
PAUL: And are you two are married, yeah?
SUSAN: For now!
PAUL: I cannot tell you the day that I have had.
SUSAN: Oh really? Did you have a peeping Tom hiding in your wardrobe?
KARL: Paul, what are you into?
PAUL: Hey! I've seen what's in the blue box, alright?!
Paul tells them it all started at Lassiters with Terese finding ways to press his buttons.
Lassiters Hotel
Paul is complaining about the over- the- top Halloween decorations and tells Terese to get rid of them all.
TERESE: Oh and Paul, before you go… trick or treat?
PAUL: Are you trying to be the most annoying person in the world or does it just come naturally?
TERESE (with vampire teeth): Sorry… people do say I suck!
PAUL: Well, are you going to give it to me or not? The trick!
Terese hands Paul an old leather case covered in cobwebs that she found in the corner of the mailroom.
Lassiters complex
Outside, Jimmy asks Paul if his trophy wife Courtney has got him in strife. He always thought Paul would end up with Terese. He asks what's in the box and Paul hands him the device but Jimmy isn't impressed.
PAUL: You kids aren't really into these old fashioned techo toys are you?
JIMMY: No. I mean, I used to be when I was a kid but…
PAUL: Yeah, why didn't I spend more time with you then, eh?
JIMMY: You didn't know I existed!
Jimmy leaves and Paul finds a note in the box: "For when you wish your life turned out differently. USE WISELY. J. Lassiter." Paul sets the device for 1985 and gets sucked into a vortex!
Lassiters complex (1985)
Paul finds himself back in 1985! OK, so the footage is technically of 1986 because that's when Lassiters debuted, but the instrumental theme tune from episode one starts up, the aspect ratio has gone 4:3 and there are fuzzy horizontal lines like we're watching… well, an old taped copy of a Neighbours episode from 1985!
Number 28 (present day)
Susan thinks Paul must have depleted Lassiters' entire supply of Scotch! Is this a prank or a scam?
KARL: I want to hear all about the eighties. Don't we, Susan?
SUSAN: Sure, by all means. Go ahead, tell us more. Did you meet Wham?
PAUL: No actually, I met myself. He even talked to me.
KARL: You talked to you?
PAUL: Yeah, for hours. You know, it actually kind of seemed normal after a while.
Number 26 (1985)
The instrumental theme tune starts up again and present day Paul is in the kitchen talking to his younger self (from episode 23 to be precise). He tells his younger self to run a mile when he meets a woman called Terry Inglis! He asks to borrow 50 dollars.
YOUNGER PAUL: 50 bucks? What for?
PRESENT DAY PAUL: Oh, you know, this and that.
YOUNGER PAUL: It's a bit much isn't it, expecting me to cough up that amount of money and not know where it's going?
PRESENT DAY PAUL: Do you trust us or not?
YOUNGER PAUL: You're not doing anything dangerous or illegal are you?
PRESENT DAY PAUL: I can't believe you have to ask!
Alternate Lassiters
After investing the money, Paul goes "back to the future", only to find everything has changed. Bogan Terese comes along in a purple tracksuit and kisses him.
TERESE: I thought you were away on business for a few weeks.
PAUL: Ah yeah, something came up. Urgent account… for Tim Collins.
TERESE: He's left the monastery?!
PAUL: Yeah, I was surprised too!
TERESE: I'm just glad you're not a monk if you get my drift. Meet me in the spa in twenty?
PAUL: You mean you and me…?
TERESE: Well if I'm not wearing any underwear down here I'm certainly not going to be wearing any underwear upstairs!
Terese heads inside and Paul is delighted. He goes in and looks around the luxurious hotel. This was the Lassiters he had always dreamed of.
Piper is dressed in a suit and is on the phone via her Bluetooth earpiece.
PIPER: I don't care if Ringo Brown himself wants to bring his prize poodle; we do not offer buffets for animals!
Piper's girlfriend Aurora is trying to talk to her. Does she even matter to her at all? She suggests going away for the weekend but Piper is too taken up with her phone call. Aurora wonders if she'd even notice if she weren't here. Piper tells her not to be ridiculous and kisses her but then resumes the phone call.
PIPER: I swear if chef Amadieu is not in that kitchen in thirty minutes…
PAUL: Piper?
PIPER: Dad! What are you doing here?
PAUL: Hang on… "Dad"? What happened to Brad?
PIPER: Drab?! My worthless excuse for a biological father? The man with no ambition, no drive, no nothing! The man who is wasting his life sparking one up on a surfboard!
PAUL: No, nothing; sounds the same as ever!
Aurora goes off and Piper says some people just don't understand that work comes first. "Marcel" comes on the phone. I guess Mark Gottlieb is still using his alias in this reality!
Apartment
Paul discovers a wedding photo of him and Terese and an award for philanthropy. His son Rob suddenly appears, brandishing a knife. Terrified, Paul tells him to stay away from him but Rob just wants to show him his new hunting knife.
PAUL: Rob?
ROB: Duh! Who else would it be?
PAUL: Well, you know, you do have an identical brother.
ROB: You say it like he's still here.
PAUL: Is he?
ROB (putting his hand to his heart): He's in here, Dad. I know it should have been me. Fate likes to play games sometimes, doesn't it? So do you like it?
PAUL: Do you really need one of those?
ROB: You're not planning on cancelling?
PAUL: No, no, why would I do that?
ROB: Good. I can't wait. We're going to get on the fun bus! Go over the ranges together. There's going to be no- one else around.
Paul asks to see the knife and makes a quick exit with it, saying he'll get back to him. Rob says he even bought them some baseball caps: "Rob" and "insons"!
Lift
Paul looks at the advert for Kratz Cruises with the slogan "You'll never want to go home", as indeed Marlene Kratz never did. The door opens and Sonya enters and kisses him, only in this reality she's Russian and it's spelled Sonja!
SONJA: Oh, I've missed you. Why have you been avoiding me?
PAUL: Sonya, I'm a married man. [Sonja laughs] OK, why is that so funny?
SONJA: That was a joke, no? It is approximately eight months too late for those kind of morals, Paul!
Sonja rubs her baby bump.
